Shidduchim and How YOU Can Help

As some of you may know, I’ve been actively involved in Shidduchim for many years. I’ve made one Shidduch so I know I can do it again 🙂

Unfortunately, my list trails with girls. And although I’ll accept any girl’s info, I’m truly seeking your help to find guys for my girls, ranging from Modern Orthodox to Yeshivish.

SO, I created an email just for shidduchim. Please feel free to send questions, profiles, and pictures to letsmakeashidduch@gmail.com.

My biggest pet peeve is when I get information that reads like a job resume, with all the technical details but without any description of the single as a person– I cannot help you if all I know is his/her camp, bungalow colony, references, and whether or not he or she was valedictorian. I don’t know the person from a hole in the wall, so if you’re coming to me for help I need to know whether the single is an atheist, conservative, Yeshivish, learning, wears skirts, pants, or turbans. I exaggerate, of course, but you get the idea. The more I read about you (not too long, save that for the date!) the better feel I get.

So please be sure there is a paragraph on what you or the single is looking for type-wise, hashkafically, religiously. Also, I need pictures. If you’d like me not to share them, please specify, but I need to see what you look like. It helps me remember you as I’m a visual person.

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There is really so much I’d love to discuss on this topic but I’ll rein myself in (or try;)) and concentrate on how we can help the singles who remain after the initial burst of engagements post high school/seminary/college.

For many, “Shidduchim” means excitement, a whirlwind of fun and joy – but for many, many others, it connotes loneliness, judgment, and hardship.

Although I didn’t get married late myself, I feel a super strong connection with and sympathy for singles in our community, who leave weddings happy for their friends but with sadness in their hearts. For once their friends are married, and many begin having children, these singles are left behind in the dust. It’s very difficult to live in a community where laughing kids and a husband to link your arm into are the norm when you have neither.

And here’s the biggest problem:

So many times I’ve asked people if they know any guys – or even girls – whom I can set up with a particular person, and the expression of not only lack of effort but interest breaks my heart. I cringe when right off the bat they say they don’t know anyone.

No, a name may not come to mind immediately. But pause for a minute. Think of your neighbor, your son’s friend, your co-worker’s daughter.

It’s a regrettable truth that once people gets married, they tend to forget how hard it is to be single. Marriage, kids, life keeps us all busy. I know that personally. I don’t think anyone is intentionally thoughtless.

And of course there are people who focus their time and energy on other wonderful endeavors – collecting for the less fortunate, making rounds in hospitals, etc. – and Kol HaKavod to them. If they can’t concentrate full time on Shidduchim, that’s understandable.

 

 

But it would be really amazing if people stopped for just a minute, thought about the singles they might possibly know, and passed those names on to someone who does focus on setting people up. It’s all about connections.

And singles out there, please don’t be shy about asking for yourselves. It’s uncomfortable, awkward, and maybe you feel embarrassed. But do it for no one else but yourselves. You never know when you may hit the jackpot.

SO EVERYONE I NEED YOUR HELP!!

Please take a moment: if you’re not single or looking, think of your friend’s brother, sister, neighbor, Shul member, cousin’s kid. You never know.

Send me names, profiles, and pictures, and maybe we can work some magic!

Thanks everyone!

~Devorah